Fuckkkkk

My cousin asked my sister if I ate food today... It's kind of troubling. That your cousin asks about it before direct family does. I don't think I try to do this. And every time I spit out food is like a stab in the stomach. But, I've done nothing that required food... Nothing that needs the energy for it. We drove for 8 hours and I didn't eat because I was sitting in the car for 8 hours doing nothing but reading shitty fanfiction and listening to music! Hell, I wasn't even hungry! I don't avoid food. But I do avoid unhealthy food and snacking on times not meant for eating. Eating just makes me worse than I already am.

     I eat food at meal times so I don't trouble anyone with this selfish problem, and I guess it's probably for the better... I've read stories about people who don't eat, and how they have to go to some fancy place that probably costs a shit ton of money and months of food rehab. Plus, if I put myself through that, my FAMILY through that, I will never be treated the same again... They will watch me eat, making sure I'm being healthy, like I'm some kind of time bomb train that's going to derail and have to go to that one place again, and spend a fuck load of money.

I'm Probably Gonna Get Fat

So I have been locked up in my room for what seems like forever. I'm trying not to eat that much because, hell, like I need the food when I don't do anything all day! Anyway, I'm trying to get outside more, but its difficult to do because I keep giving myself excuses not to. Whats worse is that I KNOW that they are excuses. I'm not completely blinded by my own disguises. I disgust myself. Just sitting here watching TV and typing away on a blog that nobody will ever see.